On-Ward and Up-Ward!

The "Up-Ward" part:  I met with nutrition this past Friday. I GAINED!  :(  So much for reaching my goal of being below 300lbs! My last weigh-in I was 299...this weigh-in I was 302.  I shouldn't be too surprised. The week before my weigh-in I was a voracious eater...when it's "that time of the month" I feel like I could eat non-stop. I NEVER feel full...that's kind of scary. It's gotta be head hunger...something I'm going to have to work on. In fact, I think it will always be a struggle, and I should just accept it and get a firm hold of some coping strategies.

The "On-Ward" part:  I gave my notes to nutrition, and after reviewing them she said they looked great, and she gave me the number for the insurance lady in their program (the lady who submits to insurance). I called the insurance lady yesterday to make sure they had everything for submittal. She said I had completed all of the necessary requirements and she would be submitting in the next few days!!! I asked her how long CareSource usually takes to make a decision, and she said on average it's about two weeks!

I'm here...FINALLY!

I just hope there aren't any problems with approving the procedure.

Meeting with the Doctor

Next Friday (the 28th) I'm meeting with the program doctor. I will have my weigh-in. I'm a little nervous about that, because these past two weeks I've been on an eating rampage. I've just felt insatiable...partly because of my "monthly visitor" and the other part...well, I'm not sure. I think it's because we had the food in our house and I have no freakin' will-power. Prior to this rampage there wasn't a piece of junk food in sight, but now that we are moved and settled we've got chips and donuts and cookies and cake in the house...and I've been eating it.  :(

As Napoleon Dynamite would say: "GOSH!"

I should know better. In my binge eating group we learned about removing the triggers. I know my family would be fine with not having those things in the house...all I have to do is ask. But, part of me wants those things in the house...so I can have some if I want.

This is when I feel like screaming...when I feel a little hopeless. I feel like I'm never going to get myself under control, and it scares me because I'm working towards this lifestyle change...this surgery. I want to be successful with it. I've posted before about behavior changes and how important I think it is to change our behaviors before surgery.

I feel so empowered when I am able to avoid these triggers ...but why can't I feel like that all the time? Why don't I remember that empowered feeling when I'm stuffing my face with potato chips? I wish someone actually read by blog so they could comment. Maybe I will post this post on Obesity Help and get some feedback. I want to know if anyone else struggled/struggles with this and how they coped.

Well, you'll be hearing from me next Friday...after my appointment. I hope it's all good news!

11.5 pounds lost!

I haven't been as regular on here this past month, because I've been crazy busy with a move...and without internet for almost 2 weeks.

So, at the end of March I met with the nutritionist and had gained a few pounds...weighing in at 314 lbs! I made the mistake of going to Golden Corral (I feel like a cow just saying the name of this buffet..."Corral")...and ate WAY too much (will be avoiding all future buffets) right before meeting with my nutritionist (how dumb is that)! I swear 3-4 pounds of that gain was all of the food just sitting in my stomach.

Now it's the end of April. I just met with my nutritionist today...weighed in at 302.5! I've been pretty focused this past month and it has paid off. I've had to replace my morning meals with a protein drink and I've been more active. My eating has improved, but still not where I want it to be. I've gotten better at controlling portions, but there is still room for improvement in my food selection.

But, right now I won't go down that road. I'm celebrating my loss! YEA!